There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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