Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
