best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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