I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
