my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She bit a glass in half.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
