He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
