No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
