I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
