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If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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