There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
