So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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