What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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