I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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