She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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