remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize