He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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