bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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