just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
