I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
