Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
