Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You were trust falling into bushes
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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