I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
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I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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