I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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