i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
