My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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