U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
