Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
