It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
