i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
