I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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