Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
