I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
People in love make me want to vomit
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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