Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
