Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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