Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
