fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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