I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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