the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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