With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
