I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
