Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
His hands were made for my vagina.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
