You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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