There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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