we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
