you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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