I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
