I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
