Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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