i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just found puke in my bra..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
