How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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