Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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