he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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