Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
