Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
