Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
