i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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