I can't watch pbs sober anymore
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
