Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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