I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
