We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
