thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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