We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
