Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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