weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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