I smell stomach acid.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
