If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well I just put wine in my tea
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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