how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
