Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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