Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
