Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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