mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
