i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
