Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
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The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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