it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
