There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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