Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
