please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
