No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
