I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
