I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
